expectations and you Shoud Be's

tonight I am sitting out on my back deck with a fire going and I am thinking about recent comments I have heard from family and some of my co-workers. These comments all centre around the fact that I am a 30 something female and still single. Everybody who has said something thinks there is something wrong with this and in turn, there is something wrong with me.

Now the fact that I am still single is partially due to the way destiny has planned my life and partially due to my choice. I just have not met someone I can imagine spending the rest of my life with. It does not bother me to be single, and it does not bother me to do things by myself or for myself. I am self sufficient and independent, I don't have to have somebody around to make my life complete.

The thing that does bother me though is that fact that society has expectations that when you get to a certian age you are expected to settle down and have a family. I guess I have reached that magic age because the comments are beoming more and more frequent. I keep hearing the you "should be looking for someone, you only have a few years to have babies" or the "when do you think you will settle down, a family would be good for you" or "should I save the bassinet and other baby stuff or should I just get rid of it". Honestly I am tired of this garbage. I have no answers for the above, I don't when or if I will settle down and I really do not think I will have children at any time in my life. I have nieces and nephews and that is good enough for me.

Now, why the comments and why the expectations? Survival of the species? I think not!! (yes that is an argument I have heard before). Jealousy, possible but nobody will admit to it. Not understanding my ability to be alone. I think that is the root of all of it. Most people I know are not able to spend time alone, silence scares them. Travelling alone scares them, eating in a restaurant alone scares them, going to a movie alone scares them. The thing that scares me the most is not doing this stuff alone but rather becoming so dependent on somebody else that I am no longer able to do these things alone.

Yes, it is true that my lifestyle has not changed all that much since I was 18. I live in a nicer place and I don't buy my furniture from a second hand store anymore and I drive a car that is not falling apart. Other than that, things are not that much different. If I want to pick up and go away for a weekend, I go. I have only myself to answer to and it has been that way for 17 years.
This does not bother me.

None of this bothers me, I am happy being alone and I'm sure I would be happy in a relationship should I ever be in one. Stop the stupid comments and just accept me for who I am and don't try to change me!!!

Walking

Ok, so I have the weird kind of rain-man-like habit of counting my steps when I walk. I don't know why I do this I just always have. I can't remember a time when I did not do this.

Through counting my steps all the time I got really good at being able to judge how many steps it would take for me to cover a distance. My estimates were usually about 2-5 steps off. I say were because a few months ago I started walking for exercise on a treadmill and now that it is summer I am walking outside. I guess my stride has increased because I can no longer estimate my steps. I'm sure I will get used to the new stride though.

Why am I writing about this? I cannot tell you, it is the first thing that jumped into my head when I turned the computer on.

Sad Work Day

So today was a bit of a sad day at work. I found out that two of my patients died last night and that makes me sad. They were both very ill and were not expected to live very long and were considered to be in palliative care. This does not make the situation any less sad though. I really like their families and it makes me sad to see them so upset.

One family I think will be OK once they grieve their loved one who has passed because they were very realistic about the process of his disease and knew he would not get any better. It is still a hard loss for them but they will be OK.

The other family I worry about though. Even on the evening before he died, his family was asking about when he was going to start getting better and what new medications we could give him to fix what was wrong. It had been explained to them on multiple occasions that there was nothing that could be done but they just could not accept it. It breaks my heart to see this because they may not have had the time to say the things that they wanted to say nor did they have the time to prepare themselves for this inevitability. I can totally understand their difficulty in accepting that their loved one is going to die. I don't think I could just give up on somebody in my family either, it is just difficult when the truth finally hits and the person falls apart. I truly hope this family is doing Ok.

I know that dealing with death is a part of my job and I do what ever I can to support my patients and their families through it. I still makes me very sad when somebody dies though. I guess it is the harsh finality of the whole thing.

Well, I am quite new to this whole blog thing. I have been leaving comments and communicating with other people through their blogs so I thought I would give it a try myself.

I am a registered nurse, working in a hospital setting which I enjoy even though there are some tough days. This is probably my 5th career in the last 15 years but I think this one will stick.

Most of my free time lately is consumed with home renovations. I bought an older home and it needs quite a bit of renovation to make it look like how I want it to look and I am doing most of it myself. Right now I am working on the bathroom and I have to admit I am the slowest tiler on the face of the planet. I am looking forward to what it will look like when it is finished and then I can move on to the spare bedroom.

Well, that is about all for now.